It’s like change in the pockets of your trousers.Īnd so it happened. If something goes lost in your memory, It doesn’t mean you lost it. And when we don’t remember something, we usually don’t care about it. Seven years later, after we moved to a new place, I had no idea where I put the box. But it took a while for these moments to happen. I knew all the life moments written on the envelopes by heart. Those letters were mine and no one else could read them. That box became the most important thing in the world for me. “Those letters were mine and no one else could read them.” His ugly writing, which I barely understood, made me feel calm. He made me stop crying with his bad handwriting. You must not open them before the right moment, OK? This is our deal. After all, you don’t know crap about anything. Well, as you can see, I still have a lot to teach you. I think that a man who’s about to die has the right to act a little bit selfish. I didn’t want to tell you what was going to happen, I didn’t want to see you crying. He spent the whole week writing this, and he wants you to read it. “Your dad asked me to give you this letter. I couldn’t understand exactly what was going on. The box was full of sealed envelopes, with sentences where the address should be. With a shoebox under her arm, a nurse came by to comfort me. Then, my father was once again a father to me. I screamed with anger in the hospital, until I realized my father was not around to ground me. What does it mean? Wasn’t it just a regular disease, the kind of disease doctors heal with a shot? I hated you, dad. The doctor told the news with all the sensitivity that doctors lose over the years. My mother picked me up at school and we went to the hospital. He didn’t see me crying.Īnd suddenly, the next year was over before it even started. The bastard made me laugh until the very end. Thinking about the future was the way he found to keep hope alive. I believe - actually I’m sure - he thought this should bring luck. Next year, we would go fishing, we would travel, we would visit places we’ve never been. My father made plans for the next year even though he knew he wouldn’t be around in the next month. Even when he was lying on a hospital bed with tubes all over him, he didn’t say a word. Do you know what I mean? A father like that is someone to be missed. Someone who forced me to support the same football team he supported, and who explained things better than my mother. A habit which I passed on to my children. Someone who kissed me on the forehead before I went to sleep. Someone who would tell a joke before grounding me. I had a father who was both firm and fun. Had he died before, I wouldn’t have memories. I was eight and a half, old enough to miss him for a lifetime. He was gone when I was young, and I learned what a funeral was because of him. My father was not a musician and neither a famous person. The same age that claimed the lives of several famous musicians. In fact, his death was even more unexpected. The end always comes as a surprise, and it’s a tearful moment for widows and a bore for the children who don’t really understand what a funeral is (thank God). By the time it comes, you will not have done all the things that we wanted to. But only when this particular week is the next week. Not even terminal patients think they are going to die in a day or two.
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